Chloe's First Day

What a start to the day... Firstly Chloe slept from 6pm to 4 am, which is a new thing, and then I had to wake her to get her ready for school. Typical I thought, school starts and she sleeps in... :o) At least I know she is normal. Then I dressed her and got everything ready, trying to remember everything I had to pack for the day and as stock for nappy changes and the like. Bundled her into the snug, and then to the car, but it wouldn't open... then it wouldn't start. So, being optimistic, I tried roll starting it... what a laugh, the battery was so dead the engine didn't even turn over. So, unpack everything again and phone for help. An hour later the new battery arrived with the technician, on a motorbike... not what I was expecting, and then the car started perfectly. I packed the car again, and off we were. About half way to school Chloe started crying, which didn't help matters. I got to the baby room and there were only 2 babies still awake, and they said that it was nap time so at least I know they get some sleep. Melanie picked Chloe up and she stopped crying, as it was a new place and very interesting to have a look at. But, then after chatting a while, Chloe decided enough was enough and started to cry again... so Melanie put her to sleep, a relief. I think the biggest relief I had was that Chloe isn't the only child to be rocked to sleep. There was another cutie pie there and he wasn't interested in being put down for a second. They said that he had been home for a week and all the routine training they had been doing had been undone... note to self, try keep the same routine when at home.

Anyway, I left the school feeling alright, I didn't cry which I thought I would... and I felt kind of weird not having a child in the car, not having to worry about it being too hot in the car... or when she will need a feed.

Now the wait to go and fetch my little one. In the mean time, I have rearranged the study, and let Octavia clean the house in peace, and I went to visit my folks, and then shopping for a new pair of jeans, the other pair I have make me look like a clown they are so big for me... not sure when that happened, because they fitted just fine before I was pregnant. Yay for breastfeeding! I also had to try to find a lift to the Barnyard Theatre tomorrow night to save having two cars there, and I did manage to find one, so after putting Chloe to sleep I have to get to the supermarket where I will be collected and then have a bit of fun. Shame, poor Chloe, starts school, so no Mommy all day and on the second day she has no Mommy pretty much half the night as well. Hopefully she will be sleeping so she won't know the difference. I will finish this post tonight, and then let you know the rest of the story after I have been to fetch Chloe and get the feedback from Melanie on how her first day was.

Well, Chloe's first day was alright I think. Melanie said that she was good, and napped well, had all her milk and only cried when she was tired really. So I guess she will be alright. I still feel sad because it means that she is growing up and that she isn't such a little baby anymore, but I guess that is life. At least she seemed happy to see me, and when I was putting her to sleep this evening, she was dreaming and I imagine she had a busy day from the movements. I was a little worried that she seemed to get frights, but Melanie did say that she woke with frights from her naps, probably due to the new noise environment.

The end of a season

Tonight I am feeling very sad, as tomorrow morning our little cherub starts at her school, and I know that I am going to take it very badly. I imagine she will take some time to settle down there, and get used to the people who are caring for her, but at the same time it is going to be very difficult for me to get used to the idea.

There are several reasons that I will be taking such strain...

- It means that she is growing up.

- I don't know that she will even miss me at this age.

- I feel a little jealous that there will be someone else who will be her "primary caregiver" and I will no longer fill that roll daily.

- I don't know how she will cope with the environment, and how she will cope with the people and all the other babies.

- She is definitely likely to get sick very soon after starting there.

- They will never care for her the way that I do (which could also be seen as an advantage by some).

It is going to be very difficult and I think that tomorrow is going to be a terribly hard day. I was washing the dishes just now, and thinking I have to sort out the new computer workstation (we have ditched the computer stand and turned the dining room table into the new desk, and now I have to get everything into a suitable place where it all works well and comfortably) and thinking that it will be difficult with Chloe, and then I remembered that I won't have her here with me, and I think that it will be very empty here without her. I am going to miss cuddling her, and loving her, watching her nap, and I think I'll even miss her crying.

I was speaking to a friend at church today, and she said that Chloe would be fine, and yes they will never look after her the way that I do, but they will take good care of her, and they will have a routine of things that they do with the babies, so she will get into the groove soon and then be fine. She did however say that it takes about 3 to 4 weeks for them to settle down, which is different to what they said at the school (2 weeks) but I will have to see. She said that I should tell them what I am expecting, and that they are offering a service which I am paying for so I have to make sure that I am happy, and be assertive about how they care for her. So, I will see what happens.

Poor Chloe was very grizzly today, and I think that she may be teething, or starting to, and seemed very unhappy with anything that we did to keep her busy, but I went to visit Pat and she put a blanket outside on the grass and we sat outside for a while and Chloe loved it. First we had her on her tummy for some leopard crawling practice and then we flipped her over (when she was too frustrated to carry on) and she chatted with us for ages, until she got hungry, and tired (bed time). I am hoping that the lady at the school will be able to shed some light, as I am sure that looking after 10 babies you would know when they are beginning to teeth. Shame, all these changes. I forgot to tell you all that Chloe has graduated to her camp cot in her own room, and she has been sleeping alright. I have also stopped getting up every time she wakes up. I get up if she starts to cry, which is normally around midnight. She does wake up in the middle of the early morning, but I leave her, and she goes back to sleep without me. It means that there is less disruption of my sleep and she tends to eat better in the morning when we get up. So many changes for this little girl, I hope that she can cope, and I pray that she is safe in the hands of the people I felt God wanted her in. I know that I felt certain that she was meant to be in the school I have put her in, and I hope that she really blossoms there and does well, I am sure the interaction with the other children will help her become more independent and confident rather than being a recluse at home (almost like her mother).

I'll keep you posted with developments.

An update

Everyone must be wondering what has happened to the updates that came around so regularly, and since Chloe was born there has been nothing to speak of really. Well, that is because spare time has been very scarce, and motherhood has been a very tiring, daunting, and yet amazing experience.

Chloe has been growing quickly and is almost 6kg already, and at 11 weeks I think she is doing very well, according to the clinic sister. She is also beginning to get really cute, "talking", and smiling and generally making it harder to not fall in love with her. She is really developing a personality that matches her irresistible looks. She has managed to charm most people who have seen her, and even people walking past in the shopping centres can't resist a closer look. She does have her mothers dislike for the camera, and it is hard work to get even a little smile out of her when taking pictures, but I have managed one or two, but, I have yet to capture the full smile that I get in the mornings, usually in the middle of her feed and then it is all over. She won't eat after that, because she is too busy chatting and making my heart melt.

She will be going for her 10 week jab this week, and I'm hoping that it will be alright, as last week she was so miserable when I was at the clinic we decided against giving it to her. She didn't seem to react too badly to the first one at 6 weeks, which was a relief, and I am hoping that it will be the same this time around. She is also on formula, and I am no longer breast feeding, for my sanity and also because in about a month's time I will be back at work, and I can't imagine trying to express milk in the bathroom at the office and then having 40 odd people checking out the milk in the fridge there. Formula is just easier.

Other than that, all I can say is that NOTHING can ever prepare you for motherhood, and how all consuming it is, and how hard it is. All the stories and advice etc, aren't even a speck on the screen when you are in the situation, and to all the moms-to-be reading this, it's worth every second, but it is the toughest job you will ever have!