Explaining why I am the way I am...

 

The first day back at work

Well, so far the first day back at the office hasn't been too traumatic, except that I am missing Chloe like anything. I think that the thought that I can't just go and get her when I want to makes it all the more difficult to deal with. My boss is away today, so there hasn't been terribly much to do, except clear my inbox from 4 months worth of emails and also get my computer back to what it was after the network administrator decided that he needed to downgrade my Office due to a program not working… he coulda just reloaded it….

Chloe has been miserable, she goes from happy, laughing, smiling and gurgling to screaming and inconsolable in a flash. Word on the streets is that it's the typical symptom of teething. Something I didn't realise is that apart from having a sore mouth from getting the teeth, it makes the baby feel sick, and sore all over, headache and the like. I suppoase, thinking about it now, it's understandable. There is a lot that happens to their little bodies in order to get the teeth to come out, or so I hear.

I guess some advantage to her teething and being in school, is Mel knows what to do and how to help her a little, but I am not sure that she will do anything I haven't asked her to do, and I must admit I am at a loss half the time. That is the trouble with being a first time mom. There is so much that you don't know, and if someone hadn't told me about teething, then I would be clueless. That is also when forums come into their own, where you have a whole host of mom's to ask questions, and they will normally have some kind of answer.

Well, I have just been to find something to help Chloe, and there is a product called Bennetts Eazi-Breathe Kit, which I am hoping will help her to breathe at night. The poor child, if she has sinus problems the way I do, I don't blame her for being miserable; I have such a bad sinus headache at the moment.

Don't you hate it when you ask a shop attendant for something, by name and they look at all the other products on the planet except the one that you asked about, and then still ask questions 3 times because they weren't listening properly the first time. Sleep deprivation certainly makes the fuse just that much shorter. I guess it is easier to go where you know you will find what you are looking for.

An update on Chloe

Chloe has been doing so well at school, and I can't believe the amazing development only one week has made. She is definitely a child who needs lots of stimulation. She went from not really being interested in toys to holding them and playing with them. The other development was a runny nose which gets so blocked at night that the poor baby can't breathe properly and wakes up all upset. I took her to the homeopath yesterday and she has given me some drops which should clear her nose up by Thursday. I knew it was inevitable that she would get something at some stage, but I think the worst part of her being sick is there is nothing that I can do to really help, she can't blow her nose (they only manage that from about 4 years of age, or so I have read), the saline that we spray in her nose, helps to some degree, but it isn't a lasting solution and well, the sleep deprivation doesn't help me much either. I will have to wait and see how she has been today. I know that she was sneezing out a whole bunch of snot, which is good, because then it is coming out but at the same time, it means that there is still a lot in there. I guess the drops must be working though, because she wasn't sneezing like this before, and the Doc did say that it would clear out her nose. I guess I didn't think that it would do so with sneezing.

Chloe has also had a sudden growth spurt. I know this because clothes which fit her last week no longer do. I was trying to put on a pair of leggings and they just wouldn't get to her waist, in fact only half way up her bottom, so she has put on some length. I would be interested to know how long she is now. I am sure I can wait another week, she has to go for her next set of jabs on Friday next week. It is a sad thing, knowing that she will be feeling miserable and sore afterwards. But, at least I know the vaccines are ones which work.

I received a note from school to say that there was a strain of Meningitis doing the rounds in Pietermaritzburg, and that we should get the babies vaccinated, and after 2 days of trying to contact my paed, he was away on business, he confirmed that I needn't fork out the money for the vaccine, as it doesn't work. Go figure. Sometimes you have to wonder why they make them when they don't know that they really work. A comment from the receptionist there was that they hadn't given that vaccine in ages. At least I know that I can trust him. This man is really passionate about babies and their health, so I think that I have an amazing paed.

Well that is all for now. Till the next post.

It's All Part Of His Plan

I know this isn't something that I have written, but I thought that is is something that really spoke to me, and where I am at the moment, with life and decisions that need to be made... I pray that it will help with something that you are grappling with as well.

In everything God works for the good of those who love Him... because that was His plan.

Romans 8:28 NCV

When you're in a situation where you've got more questions than answers, it takes faith to accept that "in everything God works for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28 NCV). What you consider wasted experiences can become confidence-builders and priceless sources of insight - when you decide to learn from them! If you don't, they'll keep happening till you do. The Israelites went in circles for 40 years before they finally wised up. Don't let that happen to you.

When you get too comfortable God stirs things up. The mother eagle teaches her little ones to fly by making their nest so uncomfortable that they're forced out of it. Next they are pushed off a cliff edge. Can you imagine their thoughts: 'It's my mother doing this?' Who and where you are at this moment in time has been divinely appointed. God in His wisdom knows that you need the challenge of certain situations to mature and stretch you. The job you dread going to every day is developing your skills, endurance and sense of responsibility. Those people who rub you the wrong way are actually making you more like Jesus!

Paul says God "understands… and knows what is best for us at all times" (Ephesians 1:8 TLB). So instead of asking Him to change things, thank Him for the experience and the lessons you're learning. And if you can't figure out what those lessons are, ask Him. James says, "If… you need wisdom… ask God" (James 1:5 CEV). When you do, you'll discover - it's all part of His plan!

xxx Kim

The end of another season

Today marks the decision to sell my car... It is a sad day for me, and it was a difficult decision to make but it needed to be made, and sooner rather than later. The trouble is that the car must have been made at the end of a shift of a Friday afternoon when no one wanted to be at work anymore, and they did a rotten job on putting the little chor (slang word in South Africa for a small runabout) together. Since I bought the car there have been problems, starting with a faulty indicator switch which took the dealership 6 months to diagnose, and only solved the problem when I threw my toys out the cot and demanded that they replace the switch. It seemed to settle down then, but since then I have had problems with the central locking, the fuel injectors, water pumps, the electronics have lost the plot, and now I guess it is time to say good bye to what has to be my favourite car. This means that we will now become a one car family, and that means that there will be some inconvenience. There are the down sides to it, but there are some benefits. We can save the money that we make from selling the chor and earn interest so that there is a nice deposit for a new car next year, but I think that is the only one I can think of now. At least the other good thing is that if the car does finally give up the ghost, then at least I won't be in trouble with a baby and a broken car. But, it is still a heart breaking think that the little car that has till now faithfully taken me where I need to go, when I need to go will no longer really be part of my life. So, this is not a Happy Day kind of post.

I guess the thing is, it's the first car that I have bought with out the help of my parents and I have a lot of memories in the car, just trips taken, and I know that that shouldn't make the difference to whether you sell a car or not, and that I shouldn't be so attached to a material thing, but I still love the thing, and it has been a comfortable chariot with a great sound system, smooth ride and it certainly sorted through the creature comforts. But enough making myself more miserable... the up side is that at the end of the day, it is becoming an unreliable option and rather than have a car that ends up costing thousands, cut the losses and move on.

Chloe's First Day

What a start to the day... Firstly Chloe slept from 6pm to 4 am, which is a new thing, and then I had to wake her to get her ready for school. Typical I thought, school starts and she sleeps in... :o) At least I know she is normal. Then I dressed her and got everything ready, trying to remember everything I had to pack for the day and as stock for nappy changes and the like. Bundled her into the snug, and then to the car, but it wouldn't open... then it wouldn't start. So, being optimistic, I tried roll starting it... what a laugh, the battery was so dead the engine didn't even turn over. So, unpack everything again and phone for help. An hour later the new battery arrived with the technician, on a motorbike... not what I was expecting, and then the car started perfectly. I packed the car again, and off we were. About half way to school Chloe started crying, which didn't help matters. I got to the baby room and there were only 2 babies still awake, and they said that it was nap time so at least I know they get some sleep. Melanie picked Chloe up and she stopped crying, as it was a new place and very interesting to have a look at. But, then after chatting a while, Chloe decided enough was enough and started to cry again... so Melanie put her to sleep, a relief. I think the biggest relief I had was that Chloe isn't the only child to be rocked to sleep. There was another cutie pie there and he wasn't interested in being put down for a second. They said that he had been home for a week and all the routine training they had been doing had been undone... note to self, try keep the same routine when at home.

Anyway, I left the school feeling alright, I didn't cry which I thought I would... and I felt kind of weird not having a child in the car, not having to worry about it being too hot in the car... or when she will need a feed.

Now the wait to go and fetch my little one. In the mean time, I have rearranged the study, and let Octavia clean the house in peace, and I went to visit my folks, and then shopping for a new pair of jeans, the other pair I have make me look like a clown they are so big for me... not sure when that happened, because they fitted just fine before I was pregnant. Yay for breastfeeding! I also had to try to find a lift to the Barnyard Theatre tomorrow night to save having two cars there, and I did manage to find one, so after putting Chloe to sleep I have to get to the supermarket where I will be collected and then have a bit of fun. Shame, poor Chloe, starts school, so no Mommy all day and on the second day she has no Mommy pretty much half the night as well. Hopefully she will be sleeping so she won't know the difference. I will finish this post tonight, and then let you know the rest of the story after I have been to fetch Chloe and get the feedback from Melanie on how her first day was.

Well, Chloe's first day was alright I think. Melanie said that she was good, and napped well, had all her milk and only cried when she was tired really. So I guess she will be alright. I still feel sad because it means that she is growing up and that she isn't such a little baby anymore, but I guess that is life. At least she seemed happy to see me, and when I was putting her to sleep this evening, she was dreaming and I imagine she had a busy day from the movements. I was a little worried that she seemed to get frights, but Melanie did say that she woke with frights from her naps, probably due to the new noise environment.

The end of a season

Tonight I am feeling very sad, as tomorrow morning our little cherub starts at her school, and I know that I am going to take it very badly. I imagine she will take some time to settle down there, and get used to the people who are caring for her, but at the same time it is going to be very difficult for me to get used to the idea.

There are several reasons that I will be taking such strain...

- It means that she is growing up.

- I don't know that she will even miss me at this age.

- I feel a little jealous that there will be someone else who will be her "primary caregiver" and I will no longer fill that roll daily.

- I don't know how she will cope with the environment, and how she will cope with the people and all the other babies.

- She is definitely likely to get sick very soon after starting there.

- They will never care for her the way that I do (which could also be seen as an advantage by some).

It is going to be very difficult and I think that tomorrow is going to be a terribly hard day. I was washing the dishes just now, and thinking I have to sort out the new computer workstation (we have ditched the computer stand and turned the dining room table into the new desk, and now I have to get everything into a suitable place where it all works well and comfortably) and thinking that it will be difficult with Chloe, and then I remembered that I won't have her here with me, and I think that it will be very empty here without her. I am going to miss cuddling her, and loving her, watching her nap, and I think I'll even miss her crying.

I was speaking to a friend at church today, and she said that Chloe would be fine, and yes they will never look after her the way that I do, but they will take good care of her, and they will have a routine of things that they do with the babies, so she will get into the groove soon and then be fine. She did however say that it takes about 3 to 4 weeks for them to settle down, which is different to what they said at the school (2 weeks) but I will have to see. She said that I should tell them what I am expecting, and that they are offering a service which I am paying for so I have to make sure that I am happy, and be assertive about how they care for her. So, I will see what happens.

Poor Chloe was very grizzly today, and I think that she may be teething, or starting to, and seemed very unhappy with anything that we did to keep her busy, but I went to visit Pat and she put a blanket outside on the grass and we sat outside for a while and Chloe loved it. First we had her on her tummy for some leopard crawling practice and then we flipped her over (when she was too frustrated to carry on) and she chatted with us for ages, until she got hungry, and tired (bed time). I am hoping that the lady at the school will be able to shed some light, as I am sure that looking after 10 babies you would know when they are beginning to teeth. Shame, all these changes. I forgot to tell you all that Chloe has graduated to her camp cot in her own room, and she has been sleeping alright. I have also stopped getting up every time she wakes up. I get up if she starts to cry, which is normally around midnight. She does wake up in the middle of the early morning, but I leave her, and she goes back to sleep without me. It means that there is less disruption of my sleep and she tends to eat better in the morning when we get up. So many changes for this little girl, I hope that she can cope, and I pray that she is safe in the hands of the people I felt God wanted her in. I know that I felt certain that she was meant to be in the school I have put her in, and I hope that she really blossoms there and does well, I am sure the interaction with the other children will help her become more independent and confident rather than being a recluse at home (almost like her mother).

I'll keep you posted with developments.