Tonight I am feeling very sad, as tomorrow morning our little cherub starts at her school, and I know that I am going to take it very badly. I imagine she will take some time to settle down there, and get used to the people who are caring for her, but at the same time it is going to be very difficult for me to get used to the idea.
There are several reasons that I will be taking such strain...
- It means that she is growing up.
- I don't know that she will even miss me at this age.
- I feel a little jealous that there will be someone else who will be her "primary caregiver" and I will no longer fill that roll daily.
- I don't know how she will cope with the environment, and how she will cope with the people and all the other babies.
- She is definitely likely to get sick very soon after starting there.
- They will never care for her the way that I do (which could also be seen as an advantage by some).
It is going to be very difficult and I think that tomorrow is going to be a terribly hard day. I was washing the dishes just now, and thinking I have to sort out the new computer workstation (we have ditched the computer stand and turned the dining room table into the new desk, and now I have to get everything into a suitable place where it all works well and comfortably) and thinking that it will be difficult with Chloe, and then I remembered that I won't have her here with me, and I think that it will be very empty here without her. I am going to miss cuddling her, and loving her, watching her nap, and I think I'll even miss her crying.
I was speaking to a friend at church today, and she said that Chloe would be fine, and yes they will never look after her the way that I do, but they will take good care of her, and they will have a routine of things that they do with the babies, so she will get into the groove soon and then be fine. She did however say that it takes about 3 to 4 weeks for them to settle down, which is different to what they said at the school (2 weeks) but I will have to see. She said that I should tell them what I am expecting, and that they are offering a service which I am paying for so I have to make sure that I am happy, and be assertive about how they care for her. So, I will see what happens.
Poor Chloe was very grizzly today, and I think that she may be teething, or starting to, and seemed very unhappy with anything that we did to keep her busy, but I went to visit Pat and she put a blanket outside on the grass and we sat outside for a while and Chloe loved it. First we had her on her tummy for some leopard crawling practice and then we flipped her over (when she was too frustrated to carry on) and she chatted with us for ages, until she got hungry, and tired (bed time). I am hoping that the lady at the school will be able to shed some light, as I am sure that looking after 10 babies you would know when they are beginning to teeth. Shame, all these changes. I forgot to tell you all that Chloe has graduated to her camp cot in her own room, and she has been sleeping alright. I have also stopped getting up every time she wakes up. I get up if she starts to cry, which is normally around midnight. She does wake up in the middle of the early morning, but I leave her, and she goes back to sleep without me. It means that there is less disruption of my sleep and she tends to eat better in the morning when we get up. So many changes for this little girl, I hope that she can cope, and I pray that she is safe in the hands of the people I felt God wanted her in. I know that I felt certain that she was meant to be in the school I have put her in, and I hope that she really blossoms there and does well, I am sure the interaction with the other children will help her become more independent and confident rather than being a recluse at home (almost like her mother).
I'll keep you posted with developments.
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